Wrapped In Grace

"He must become more and more important. And I must become less important."

Monday, April 03, 2006

Should or Shouldn't???

  • I should stay at school a little longer and grade papers.
  • I shouldn't procrastinate with work that needs to be done and just run away to my spot at the lake.
  • I should work out everyday to get in better shape and stay mentally sane.
  • I shouldn't drink my favorite starbucks everyday for various reasons...money being one of them.
  • I should call my friends more.
  • I shouldn't worry about the ones that aren't in my life anymore.

I could go on and on about this. Who tells me what I should and shouldn't do? Life is about choices. There are plenty of times I SHOULD have listened when people told me I shouldn't do this or that. But I took a risk and found out for myself and learned...sometimes I failed miserably and other times it worked out fabulously. As I search my memory, images of friends, relationships, and matters of the heart pop up most...it's not just about what car to buy or where to live or what to eat.

Then why do I struggle with knowing what to do? As I am on this incredible, frightful journey, I discover more of who I am and realize I am not who I thought I was. I dive into the uncharted territories of my soul and know that I don't want to do what I think I should do but walk, crawl, skip, run in His will.

But how do you know? I mean how do you truly know?? Sometimes I just wonder if I would even pay attention if He actually called me on the phone and told me. Would I listen? I want to but would I truly be open?? So maybe He doesn't actually dial my number but He does use those around me. Do I listen??

Or do I just want a check list with rules on it? "If you do this, Jolie, you will be happy and meet the approval of others." Is that what has me so afflicted as I try to break away from that statement that has been on repeat for 25 years? I have been kicking and screaming at part of the statement above for several months. Funny I always consider myself a rebel who tried many times to blow off authority and break the rules...but I always apologized.

Should I or shouldn't I? Maybe I will wait for my cell to play boomer sooner.

1 Comments:

  • At 12:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I love you, Jolie. Remember, I'm always here- if you want to call and listen to what you should or shouldn't do. Love, your bossy best friend.

     

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