exhausted

Sometimes I think getting sick is a way for God to slow us down and bring us to Him.

control

Tuesday night I went to the State Fair of Texas with Andrea. We had a mission. Maybe it was a combined mission.

Me:
*One fletcher Corny Dog smothered in mustard and ketchup
*One texas tornader tators smothered in seasoning and ketchup
*One pound of sugar AKA Fresh squeezed lemonade
*One ride on the midway

Andrea:
*One fletcher Corny Dog plain (that's just not american)
*One Texas Tornader Tators smothered in seasoning and cheese
*One pound of sugar AKA Fresh squeezed lemonade
*One ride on the midway

I am happy to say we both accomplished the mission and did it under $15. It helped sharing the tators not only saving money but calories. A little less for me because I had a teacher fair ticket. It was fun and I enjoyed staying in the moment...taking in the sounds, smells, sights.

We decided on a ride that spinned us in circles in the air. I had my own little car on the scorpion. The loud music made me anticipate the fun I would have as we waited for the ride to fill up.

The ride whipped us round and round. There were several points where I closed my eyes and enjoyed it. I thought this is life. Round and round. Up and down. Spinning out of MY control. I knew and freely admitted I was out of control.

That's when I enjoyed it.

wait

These verses in Lamentations have grabbed my heart for the past couple of days. I have done a lot of reading on waiting.

If anyone knows me, I HATE to wait and I am RARELY quiet.

The past couple of evenings I have read these verses before I fell asleep. I soaked in the hope of a new morning. I have met a stillness each morning even with the sound of my alarm clock. It was not my doing or what was going on in my world.

This is about me and God...inviting me to hold on...

24God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.

25-27God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.

Quietness

I am in awe of God. I don't know how to fully explain Him. How He loves me no matter what I do?!? How He always takes me back when I have run the other direction?!? How He holds no grudges even though I have put Him last on the list?!?

So He opened my eyes this weekend. My utter dependence was on Him. He showed up. He also reminded me that He is always there. I just choose to ignore Him alot. Even today as I went about teaching estimation, I had to choose to welcome Him.

The mind is a very powerful battlefield and there is constant raging war in mine. Just ask my friends. When I am ready to surrender to the other side, I plead with Him one last time. No, He hasn't fixed what I want fixed. He hasn't given me what I want. But He quiets my soul in a way that nothing else will. It may come thru a friend, a situation, a kind word, or just a peace within.

Though things sort of suck these days and are not ideal according to Jolie reality, He has been my strength, my comforter, my hope, the catcher of all my tears.

psalms 131

Psalm 131

A Pilgrim Song.

the Message

1God, I'm not trying to rule the roost,
I don't want to be king of the mountain.
I haven't meddled where I have no business
or fantasized grandiose plans.

2 I've kept my feet on the ground,
I've cultivated a quiet heart.
Like a baby content in its mother's arms,
my soul is a baby content.

3 Wait, Israel, for God. Wait with hope.
Hope now; hope always!