RELAXATION?!?!

Relaxation by force...is there such a thing??? YES, for me that's the way it has to be...

So here's the 411...it started with a week and a half break between regular school and summer school. So I bought several plane tickets to get out of Texas. First stop, Buffalo, NY to see my old favorite neighbor. So it was cheaper to fly in yesterday than today since it is memorial weekend.

Problemo?! Matt has to work today. So I am here at a rather hot apt...(weird to be in a place sans air conditioning) and I have no transportation except the two legs God gave me and a more than likely dumpster found bike that is part of the decor in the living room. I entertained the thought of riding the bike but then it started raining. Yeah, bikes and rain don't sit well with me due to an incident that was rather painful when I was around 11 years old. So I walked in the light sprinkle of rain to no where.

Seems with me you have to strip away all the known and conviences for me to relax. And today that is okay. I have been given permission to do whatever I like today. That's new and odd and strange. I slept til 10:45...read Galatians. Amazing how a little bit of quiet and my mind is still boogled by the law vs. freedom...still don't have conclusion but know that I am a little bit closer to knowing in my heart what freedom truly is...

So those are the random thoughts of a day...a gazillion miles away from my known...and seeing things a little bit clearer in the reality called my life in Texas...and realizing more of how blessed I am...

WIG-
Jolie

The War Rages On...

So there is an ever present battle raging in the depths of my soul...and I am caught in the middle....but God is winning and I choose to know that today...

So I was pointed to Galations 5:16-26. I was asked to ponder on some fairly simply questions...yet so much depth when you don't glaze over them...The suggestion was to keep the verses handy and read whenever I remembered...asking God to open the eyes of my heart. Okay, easy enough I thought...

Yeah, so the next day I got on line and found every version of it and printed it out...put it in my picnic basket (aka-my purse) and took it with me everywhere...Yesterday I forgot after mass confusion clogging my whole being that had me preoccuppied most of the day.

Today being the "Teacher of the Year" that I am, I took the kids out for recess before lunch for almost an hour. (Come on, we are in the final 5 days of school!!) I wrote a couple of thank you notes and flipped open my bible...Psalm 143 jumped out at me. I didn't spend a gang load of time but I realized that it is GOD who comes to me...not about what I can do to get God to save me...It is letting Him do the work...I have no part in it except to cry out to Him...which leads me back to Galatians...I reread it again and nothing stood out in those 10 verses...So I read it AGAIN...and a verse jumped out...something I have heard over and over and over but never heard the truth like today...

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires.

Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified

Basically I gleened that it is okay if I mess up...I am going to...But God sees me whole...It is not a bunch of rules that will set me free...it is allowing the Holy Spirit lead me...not beating myself up every time I screw up...following a bunch of rules to make sure that "doesn't happen" only chains me to the wall...

Searching, Questioning, Struggling, Relinquishing

I think that it (whatever it is...husband, job, what you want out of life)wouldn't be as satisfying or we wouldn't be as thankful or wouldn't depend on God as much if we didn't go thru some sorrow and pain and grief...If stuff was just completely handed to us, would we trust God? Would we question Him?

I think questioning Him is good whether it is harsh questions or everyday questions. How else do you truly get to the understanding of something without digging deep and challenging someone with questions?

Then you know...and it sticks...it is not a fleeting thought...it is truly known...when you search and search for something, you treasure it more once you've found it...You make sure you know where it is...you are not as careless as maybe you once were...you cherish it and value it...

I haven't gone full circle with it back to laying down your will...It is rough...we want what we've envisioned but it pales in comparision of what God has planned...He doesn't neccessarily give us what we think we want because He LOVES us sooooo much He gives us something a gazillion times better...

It's like getting a gift...so imagine it's your birthday...there on your hands is a cheap yet half way decent looking pink rhinestone ring that you spent many minutes trying to find the right one whilest shopping with the airband at Foley's one afternoon and of course everyone in the airjello had to have one same style, different color...it is treasured not because it is worth a whole lot but because it holds those memories and you don't have anything else to wear on that finger...It is faded because it's cheap and pretty soon it will leave a mark on your finger...you hold on to it because you would feel naked without it...

So on your birthday someone dear brings you a gift...a little box...you are so excited with anticipation you can hardly contain yourself..."what is it?" you wonder...BUT you can't open it until you give up the $12 ring...you want both...you want to see what's in the little white box before you give up the sentimental ring...you can't...you are asked to give it up without knowing exactly what the gift is...you are tied to it because it is what you've known and envisioned for yourself...How do you take the risk of giving that up for something you know nothing about?...What do you do?

So you go round and round in your head...a battle of what if's and how do I make the right choice...what if what I have is better and the gift sucks...but you trust this person most of the time...you love this person and he/she loves you more than you can even comprehend...you hem and haw...torturing yourself...then, you allow them to take the cheapy imitation off and throw it away....

With a little hestitation and great expectation, you open the gift...

A new, rare, precious, real, a little-on-the-pricey-side shiny ring...you have longed for it...you've always wanted a ring that came in a box instead of having to cut the plastic off to actually wear the ring...you have already forgotten the old one...you can't contain the excitement of the new one...

So why do we hold on to our own will's so tightly??

Enjoy the moment

A decaf coffee...friendly warm place... live music...

An ordinary Tuesday that doesn't feel ordinary...it is exciting, new and amazing to watch someone use the talent God gave them...

Thank you for sharing your passions despite the "I am about to get on that rollercoaster" feeling....

WIGO-
JP

Chuckling, Giggling, Snorting GOOD TIMES!!!

Okay, you know that uncontrollable feeling of not being able to stop laughing that comes not as often as it use to when you were little but you really wish it would?!! Did you have to reread that insanely long run-on question for it to make any sense??

As an adult (if I can really call myself that), I want to experience more of yesterday. Sunday started out pretty much the standard. I got up wanting to sleep just 10 minutes more...but I was already running late. Flew to church, ran to the puppet room, and had my usual Sunday morning banter with Karin and Becky. Enjoyed performing as Jessica the "out of control hair" puppet who thinks everything is "really really really really hard to do".

Skipped big church for a little trip to Pei Wei with Stac and Andrea. Airjello had a lot of catching up to do. It has been way too long since we've laughed all together usually poking fun at ourselves. It was nice, pleasant, fun...I've missed the times all three of us use to sit around and laugh uncontrollable usually at something Yeller has done or I've said or Stac's pointed out-such as "Brenda's been talking with the Chinese! That's why the fortune cookie says what it says!"

Though it has been awhile, Andrea really came thru for us. We laughed so hard I thought I had done about a thousand sit-ups. We were talking while sitting in our cars with the windows rolled down. We said good bye and I hear this mumbling come from the maroon honda and then an explosion of laughter. Andrea suddenly spurts out something to the effect of "In order to make it go, I have to turn on the car!!" She had tried to shift it into gear and was frustrated that her car was broken until she realized it wasn't ON! Now, you might not find it funny but if you could see the way that Andrea committed to the moment and the deliverly, you would think it was priceless, too!! I laughed for a good 5minutes while driving down the tollway.

So you would think it would stop right there?? Figured God had bless me with plenty of laughter for the day??? Yeah, NO!! It just got even better!!!

So Benjamin and I hung out that evening. Good conversation. We ventured off to a mexican restuarant for some eats. We sat down at the table. As I was glancing at the menu, he interrupts my decision making ability with a simple question: "Hey, Jolie, What alter ego should I be?" ummmmm, yeah...couldn't figure out what the heck he was talking about...so I asked my typical question of "WHAT?" And then it started...the laughing! the uncontrollable joy that came out as unstoppable chuckles which eventually produced tears, stomach cramps, and the most fun-the oh-so-attractive SNORT. It didn't last just a couple of minutes it lasted almost through out the whole meal...the waiter came by twice asking me for my drink order and I couldn't give it to him because I couldn't stop...he probably thought I was mental or drunk or high...

So what happened? Well, let's just say that Benjamin should really be on stage or in the radio business or something along the lines of entertainment...maybe starring in the Greater Tuna plays...He has characters and voices that probably could keep me rolling for the rest of my life and not to mention I would have a killer 6 pack after that stomach muscle work out. Just when I thought I had myself under control, he busted out with another one. The one thing I can't get out of my head is "Fajita Paper"! I laugh out loud even now as I replay it in my head.

I am so thankful for the out right hilarious people in my life. I love the fact that God created laughter...unstoppable, tear dropping, stomach aching, snorting laughter. And I am thankful for the people who brought it my way!!
WIG-
Joliweeeeeee

A New Kind of Battle

How many wasted hours have you played the "my life sucks more than your life" game?? Seriously, I have lost many of hours bantering back and forth with many of friends...(almost as much time as Yeller's watched previews...love you, Yeller...I couldn't resist) When did life get so heavy that we actually enjoy the swapping our woa's??

I read something tonight that had me resisting every urge to go to the dark place of "you are wrong"and "if you only knew". But something stopped me and I hung on ever word. It is a blessing that tonight I read some words about me. God was whispering to me thru the words. And it made me think...

What if I spent countless hours in a sweet banter of "God has blessed me more" with loved ones?? Not in a bragging, gloating, I am better than you sort of way...but in a way that reminds me and those in my realm that we are loved so dearly by Our Heavenly Father.

I am the type of person that can be sarcastic and cynical when things get rollin'. What if I swapped it for a way to challenge those to see beyond there circumstances? YES, I need it most desperately...reminders of God's goodness that have been showered upon me.

Days can be dark in my own soul. I am officially a big huge mess. Reminders on days like this of how much God does love me quenches the thirst way down deep somewhere inside...

Swirling

Today my thoughts are swirling around in my head dying for a way to get. There is sooooo much that it is clogged and hopefully my meager attempt will help ease the mess upstairs...

Exhaustion...I am exhausted. I never seem to stop. Somedays if I stop, I have to think. So I go. I fill my days with things to do, places to be and people to see. Yes, there is nothing wrong with living life....except I don't know how to slow down. If I slow down, my thoughts consume me and I have to deal. I try to avoid that. I try to ignore the storm that is about to hit. I jump in my car and flee as far away as possible knowing full well that it will come...just don't want it to come today.

I want to schedule my thunderstorms. I want to be in control of where I am caught in the middle of a thunderstorm. And if I am not?? Yeah, I throw a tantrum like a toddler. On the outside-maybe I don't yell and scream and throw my self on the ground kicking, but on the inside it is there. More lately, I realize I have to sit outside in the rain and wait til it passes. It will stop eventually. Sometimes I don't even need to stand outside and get drenched...The shelter provided helps me to stay dry. I can watch the chaos from the window and just wait.

Waiting...another word that I am not too keen on the actually meaning. Questions swirl around this word. How long do I wait? Why am I waiting? What am I waiting for? Where is the fine line of waiting and taking action? When will I know to stop waiting? What if I don't wait long enough? Have I waited too long? Waiting...ask any of my friends that actually get in the car with me if I have ever heard of the word.

Ahhh, so much more is swirling...hopefully into some brilliant colorful design...God, turn the chaos into something beautiful...

WIG
Jolie