Take Me Out to the Ball Game...

Take me out to the Park!
Buy me a hot dog and a cold coors light!


So Friday night Addie and I went to the Rangers' game. We have started a tradition of being a free photo hog. Our current sporting event free pics consist of posing in front of some cut out Mavs players and now this. We need to get to a Stars game and a Cowboys game to complete our collection.

After the Rangers' racked up the runs, (did I really see any of it?? No, you go to a game to eat a hot dog, drink a beer, and chit chat) I hung out with Benjamin.

Saturday I slept and slept...then headed off to the Saucer to drink a couple of beers with Andrea. Out of 200 beers we officially have 13 on our UFO card. It might just take us several years. It is amazing how much inspiring conversations come out of a couple foreign beers. It is life changing for the moment. And no, Texas is not a foreign beer.

I headed off to meet Ben for a late dinner at Chili's and then we just hung out. Good times, Good People! Overall, a nice weekend...no drama (ok, maybe a little Sunday night)...

WIG-
Jolie

Not to us

The Cross before me
the world behind
No turning back
Raise the banner high

Not for us but ALL for You!

Not to us but to Your Name be the Glory!
Not to us but to Your Name be the Glory!

-Chris Tomlin

But do I live like this? I struggle. What would it truly look like for me to live with the cross before me and the world behind? Maybe the better question is what if I believed and knew the cross was before me? Would I have trials? Yes. Would I let God handle them the first go around instead of running in place so hard to do it all myself and failing and then turning to my Father exhausted and letting Him deal with it?

Last night in community group someone painted an illustration that just stuck. He described Christ standing before him and looking straight through the sin to see him. Christ was continually drawing him close. Wow! I get so caught up in my own feelings of unworthiness that while Christ is beckoning me closer I turn away in shame. It is as if Christ is gently whispering to me "Come. Find your freedom in Me." He is not going to force me, but desperately wants me...just me...flaws...past experiences...goofiness...all of me. That should be freeing, right? I should stop hesitating and run. Run fast, run hard, run without looking at anything except His eyes.

But today I won't. That makes me sad because I want that. The battle rages on and today I feel like I am losing. Though at some point in this journey, there will be something so sweet and God will be glorified and everything in my being will want to praise Him. That is the light flickering off in the distance.

WIG
JP

Rock STAR Bowling Event

Yeah, so as an "extension" to P.E. we took the 3rd graders bowling...Yeah, Not so much with the noisey ride and the pure exhaustion I was fighting...BUT it actually was a ton of fun!! The kids were contained at the alley and they actually took turns and were even more excited when they got a spare or a strike!! Now granted it was bumper bowling but still they did really well. Some of the ones that never seem to light up at school actually smiled when I gave them a high five. The teachers even got a little competitive. My "second Mom" Susie beat me and she was overjoyed with letting me know how bad(come on it was only by like 15 points).

But all this to say I usually dread field trips...we never have help and the kids act like they've never been in public before...Today was different. The kids were just in the moment and enjoying throwing a ball down the lane. And they were encouraging each other...I had never really seen that with this batch of kids...and of course, there was little Juan who got the highest score out of anyone there...149!! Every time he got a strike, he would literally bounce on over to where we were and proclaim with much pride that he was doing Awesome!! It made me smile. It is nice to smile.

I am done...must take nap before community group...I usually don't take naps but staying up late last night was worth it!!!

WIG-
Joliweeeeee

Happy 68th Birthday, Yeller!!

My friend Andrea (AKA Yeller and a whole bunch of other names) turned 33 on Good Friday. But her birthday didn't last just one day...It was s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d out over the weekend... so I thought Why Not one more day!!

She started off with a jaunt to OKC where she celebrated with some long time dear friends. Yes, they are as crazy as her friends in Dallas! How do I know she had an unexpected Great time? I received 4 phone messages and the last one was a irritated that I wasn't home from my date yet. Can a girl go out??? She is like me in the sense that she wants to share her good times with everyone...hence the phone calls. Yes, I finally got a hold of her and had the privelage of chatting with her sister also at 1:15am.
Saturday-SURPRISE!!! We gathered a few people at the Flying Saucer to surprise Andrea and to help her become one beer closer to her 200 tastes of beer. (What are you up to, SHA? 11? I think I am at 12?! Only 180ish to go!!) We snapped a couple of pics and my camera had some very interesting photos on it...people stole my camera and decided to make sexy (???) faces!! I chatted with McDonut, Kubes, and Heather...also with Kyle who is the one person I have known the longest at NBC. Pictured: Erik
(who pointed out that I must have NOT gotten the dark shirt Memo...) Andrea, G-Kubes

Sunday-Andrea, Tina, and I celebrated Easter at my parent's house. We were celebrating Grandma's 86th b-day so we just turned the cake around to 68 to sing to Andrea. My mom didn't have any other candles. My dad actually thought she was 27...that should make you feel young, A. Then we hooked up with Stacy for dinner at Benihana's! That was a first for me!! It was a good thing I made reservations because it was PACKED!!!(insert sarcasm)

Sunday night I fell into bed exhausted but content. Drive-ins, Sun, Surprises, Beer, friends, cat paper towels, Lists of 33 reasons, falling out of chairs for no reason...what a great weekend!!

WIG-
Jolie


That's Stac, Andrea, and ME!!

Whoa!! Hold it!!

STOP RIGHT THERE!! God, did you really think that was funny?? You know that thing you do when you don't feel right...uncomfortable...bitter...a touch of sadness...and you can't do anything but laugh?!? And you are screaming in your head...Are you kidding me Lord?? Seriously??

If you don't know what that is, let me boldy say you've never loved and loss. No, I am not just talking about a man/woman relationship...but any type of relationship. So I am stuck in a suspended moment this morning with my past sitting before me. I am so thankful I was forewarned about certain things but some unexpected banter made me look at some friends and laugh. They laughed along with me and I can probably say they were saying "Seriously?!?!" in their heads too. They get me and they know what makes my head spin.

So why do I hold onto some things? God has placed in my life some awesome people that love me...they laugh with me...they cry with me...they put up with my pendulam moods and still want to be near me...they genuinely care about me...but confronted with the past and I seem to dive into some aching rejection that otherwise doesn't bother me.

So how do I move on though slapped in the face every once and a while?? I don't have the exact answer but I do know that it makes me appreciate the wonderful encouraging people He has put in my life today. I am glad He removed others to make way for those in my life today. Though it is painful at times, it is so worth it.

Wrapped in Grace
Jolie

quarter notes and rests

Music has a way of infecting every part of ones' body. It can sustain a mood, change a feeling, or let one soak in a delightful moment. It can make the tears fall from eyelids and sulk. It can mask a bad mood. It can set you free for the second that you are in desperate need of a little sillyiness. It can be the cause that makes you do the one arm turn with two friends at a wedding reception and NOT CARE!! (Yeller, I love you and your turns. Don't ever change it!!)

Music can help identify something trapped in your inner soul that could never find words on their own.

Even Airjello makes a delightful sound: LAUGHTER!!

6267 Shady Brook

Yeah, I was brought to tears via laughter as I wandered back into the memories of living at 6267!! Most people never experience what I experienced living there. My old neighbors have become some dear friends. In fact, my 2 downstair neighbors met and married because of the good ol' run down apartments at the Hill. It was like college for older 20 year olds.

• We had a knickname for it Melrose Place. At any one moment you could find any of your neighbors at an apartment across the way or upstairs.
• When everyone eventually headed back home to upstate New York or moved closer to Greenville, we had to return random cups and plates that somehow ended up in the wrong apartment.
• We also had a crazy neighbor that lived across the way(Matt's travis impression is the most accurate).
• We competed for the batman spot and threw shoes at doors to get one another's attention without actually going downstairs.
• We even had a microwaved roach (rescued by Matt from Kristin's bathroom) that hung out on top of our mailboxes.
• Don't forget bush diving and the planting of the squash that received much love and tender car.
• Oh and our treks to the VCC for 75 cent drinks.
• And you never knew what kind of trauma Bernard the freezer guard suffered at the hands of My Favorite Neighbor...yeah, I still have him.

There are many more memories but the one that stands out the most is a dear friend that taught me how to enjoy the small, silly, really random things in life. He reached down and grabbed that hiding somewhere in my depths. A year and a half later, he had to visit again to revive it once more since it had been swept under the rug and I didn't even know it. I am so thankful for that. Though I talk to him once or twice a month, it is good to know that the one who discovered my goofiness canstill have me laughing so hard my stomach hurts when I need it most. ......How? Mostly talking about nothing....

And my roommate at the time had come up with this silly game that we would play when hanging out usually at a bar and when talking with My Favorite Neighbor tonight I busted it out and dusted it off....it goes a little something like this:

"Make up a word RIGHT NOW!"

"Schnookensong!"

"Use it in a sentence"

"Man, that guy just schnookensonged you all over this highway!"

yeah, seems a little stupid...but you should try it...it just might have you laughing so hard drops of much needed joyous tears may fall out of your eyeballs!!

And It's out of here!!!

Amazing how a little bit of sunshine, out of the every Wednesday ordinary activities, and great company can add a little bit of joy to one's life. It is freeing to goof off in the middle of the week! I actually learned something new today. Yes, friends, I think I have found my calling...Golfer! Yes, I need a set of clubs, a cool leather glove, some crazy looking golf shoes(unless I can continue in my black flip flops), and a wrinkle-free polo and I would so be a Golfer. Maybe I don't need a set of clubs at ALL just a number NINE or SIX depending on which way you are looking at it since actually putting a little line under the number would tack on an extra 15 cents.

Actually, I surprised myself. I really thought I would only be able to hit that white little ball about 10 feet but it sailed thru the air. Of course, I took out quite a bit of grass among the little rectangle I was standing on and took quite a few "practice" swings.

After the batting cages, (yes, Stac I actually hit all the balls in one token...unheard of I know) and my intro to a driving range, I was offered the keys to a really fun car. All windows rolled down and the sun pouring thru the sun roof, I took off. I miss driving a manual.

I love out of the ordinary days and it makes me dream of heaven...amazing things all the time.

Should or Shouldn't???

• I should stay at school a little longer and grade papers.
• I shouldn't procrastinate with work that needs to be done and just run away to my spot at the lake.
• I should work out everyday to get in better shape and stay mentally sane.
• I shouldn't drink my favorite starbucks everyday for various reasons...money being one of them.
• I should call my friends more.
• I shouldn't worry about the ones that aren't in my life anymore.

I could go on and on about this. Who tells me what I should and shouldn't do? Life is about choices. There are plenty of times I SHOULD have listened when people told me I shouldn't do this or that. But I took a risk and found out for myself and learned...sometimes I failed miserably and other times it worked out fabulously. As I search my memory, images of friends, relationships, and matters of the heart pop up most...it's not just about what car to buy or where to live or what to eat.

Then why do I struggle with knowing what to do? As I am on this incredible, frightful journey, I discover more of who I am and realize I am not who I thought I was. I dive into the uncharted territories of my soul and know that I don't want to do what I think I should do but walk, crawl, skip, run in His will.

But how do you know? I mean how do you truly know?? Sometimes I just wonder if I would even pay attention if He actually called me on the phone and told me. Would I listen? I want to but would I truly be open?? So maybe He doesn't actually dial my number but He does use those around me. Do I listen??

Or do I just want a check list with rules on it? "If you do this, Jolie, you will be happy and meet the approval of others." Is that what has me so afflicted as I try to break away from that statement that has been on repeat for 25 years? I have been kicking and screaming at part of the statement above for several months. Funny I always consider myself a rebel who tried many times to blow off authority and break the rules...but I always apologized.

Should I or shouldn't I? Maybe I will wait for my cell to play boomer sooner.

Finally!!!

Well, finally I have caved into something that has needed to be done for almost a year. Man, I am stubborn....or maybe resisting becoming a follower yet once again. BUT, there are streams of endless thoughts that need to be expressed to somebody...nobody. There are countless thoughts that need to come together and make some sense or realize that there is no sense to be made out of any of it. I just know that as I uncover layers...I need to write.

Funny, I grew up hating anything to do with writing but lately if I start it is difficult to stop...unless I have to go to bed.